I miss...

I miss...

• Having a decent internet connection
• Driving on roads that didn't have potholes every 2 feet
• Going on long, soothing, scenic drives in the middle of the night
• Driving a car that made me feel like it was fun to drive one (and I mean the automatic/manual thing)
• Having a nice place all of my own
• Watching HBO shows well past midnight - ON TV!!
• Shooting the breeze with co-workers
• Sitting in a bar, smoking a cigarette, drinking a beer, watching the NBA playoffs
  
• The Beer:
• Gusiness from a TAP...aah
• Blackjack
• Heineken
• Red Stripe
• Carlsberg
• fuck it - Shiner too
  
• Going out to eat to various joints serving up different cuisines
• The Food:
• Masaman Curry at Madam Mam's
• Anything from Hoa Hoa
• Stir Fry from Fire Wok
• Burrito's from Chipotle
• various shit from Taco Bell
• Sandwiches from Jimmy Johns (oh my god!!!)
• Portabello Mushroom sandwhich from NXNW
• Pizza from Dominos (believe it)
• The middle eastern food
• The occasional Sushi/Steak
• The grocery stores which had everything I needed under one roof
• The people who were always helpful
• Customer service which actually served the customer
• Company Websites that were taken seriously
• Public servants who actually did their jobs
• Cheap(er) gas
• An amazing movie going experience (despite the movie):
• The Air conditioned halls
• People who'd have enough courtesy to stop talking once the trailers started rolling, and definitely stop by the time the movie started
• People who had the courtesy to not take phone calls while still in the Hall
• Few movies that actually left you fulfilled coming out the hall
• (to be continued...)
  
• Electronics stores which stocked more than just household appliances
• Not having to pay 1/3'rd of my pay on rent

Feeling down...

Been feeling down all day. Not sure why. I had a nice weekend, didn't have all that bad a work-day, and yet I can't help but feel sad and depressed.

During this past weekend, a thought passed my mind. I need to start preparing for my GRE, and I need to invest more time/energy in the side project I'm doing. I can't possibly do both of these at the same time - both of them will take up a huge amount of time. So, I thought, why not quit my job and pursue these two?? But no matter what I do, I can't find the balls I need to actually take that leap of faith. I 'm unable to think out of the box here, and hence am coming up with all kinds of rationalizations - like if I continue to work on my side project, and it's succesfull, my college applications will look a whole lot better, that I don't really need to go to a master's school, everything I need to learn, I can learn on my own etc. etc. Some of these do make sense to me too, but I would still like to prove to myself that I have the faith, the ambition, the resolve and the balls to take that step - quit my job with nothing to fall back on, but I can't.

Other things have been bothering me too - lack of good/close friends, difficulty of dealing with everyday life in India, my aspirations to travel and all that. I don't know what's eating me today, but what I do know is, I need it to go away soon. I can't have this shit hanging over my head.

Doing some of the things I enjoy doing

Today, after a long while, I did one of the things I used to (and apparently still do) enjoy doing - watching back-to-back episodes of TV shows. The day started off with a complete download of Season 3 of Weeds followed up by Secret Diary of a Call Girl. Now, I used to do something similar during my unemployment days immediately following graduation, and while those days (or should I say nights) were much more fulfilling (what with all the catching up that needed to be done with regards to The Sopranos and The West Wing), I had a bunch of fun today too. It's just one of those stupid, useless, waste-of-time things everyone likes to do - I just maybe push it to the extreme :). I remember that during those aforementioned days, I used to be nocturnal - stay up all night, go to bed at about 10am, get up around 6pm. Those two months were some of the most fun of my life.

Anyways, so watching the Secret Diary of a Call Girl made me realize something - perhaps some of the rigidness in Indian Society is a backdraft from the English Society. I mean I would have never guessed somebody could be so uptight about having sex with a hooker in today's day and age. I mean sure, a man needs to be taken care of and all that, but to ensure that your hair is done just right, paint yourself with enough make-up to make the lady in the Statue of Liberty look not-ugly, do the bed sheets just right, carry 10 condoms with you everywhere you go (ok, this I can reconcile with) etc. etc. seems like something only the English can do. But that's not all. Watching the show (and I have to admit, this is one of the first British TV shows I have watched), I did get a sense of express superiority by the leading protagonist - she kept mentioning the fact that she was educated, she was "high class", expensive, had done her A-levels in this and that et al. Just made me feel that some of the pride Indian folks feel to in such superficial arenas comes from the fact that our rulers had a similar bend of mind. No wonder we are still stuck with so many of the UK's mistakes - when we can't even fix this one.

I realize that I'm not make a whole lot of sense - it's 3am here so excuse me for that - but I just thought I'd note these thoughts down.

Of scary incidents and the ensuing revelations

So, my cousin met with an accident last weekend. He had got out his car and was crossing the street when a biker hit him and then dragged him along the road for a bit. He suffered a broken collar bone, had to get 10 stitches on his head and can't eat solid food (due to some torn muscles in his mouth/jaw) for a couple of weeks. Fortunately, his wife and parents-in-law were with him during this incident and were able to rush him to a nearby hospital. I got the call a couple hours after the incident and had a pretty terrified drive up to the place. Meeting with my sister-in-law, whose clothes were drenched in blood, was a pretty scary moment - I was praying at that point that nothing too bad had happened. Fortunately, my fears were alleviated as I entered his room - he seemed to be ok (besides the arm in a sling and a bandage going across his head) and continues to improve.

This was, however, a scary revelation for me. I guess I've always been scared about having an accident in India - emergency health care isn't all that good here. But this incident sort of brought those fears to the fore. I realised that if I ever have an accident like this, in most probabilities, I won't have anyone with me to look after me, especially in the moments immediately following the event. There will of-course be on-lookers and good samaritans, but it's still scary to me that I will have to rely on them in such circumstances.

I had similar thoughts in the U.S., but I used to feel some amount of comfort knowing there were friends around to help out - Dada and Deebu were around. And if not them, then co-workers. I, for some odd reason, do not feel as comfortable in Bangalore - I have friends here, fuck, I have family here, and yet I'm anxious about ever being in a similar situation.

I guess all I can do is be vigilant, and hope there's someone around in my need of hour.

About that trip to Malaysia

So, I got back last Sunday from a week's trip to Malaysia. It was an interesting trip - started with a thunder, ended with a whimper.

We reached on Saturday, and left for a beach resort in the South China Sea on Sunday (early Sunday morning). The beach and it's surroundings were everything I had imagined - clear blue water, amazing coral reefs, relaxing atmosphere, not too crowded and good food. A new thing I learned/did while there was snorkeling - took me a few tries to get the hang of it, but once I did, it was one of the most fun, exciting and interesting things I have ever done. Seeing those beautiful corals, and swimming among the fish like you were one of them was truly amazing.

A side effect of the water, or fish, or corals or the sun (take your pick) was that I had a pretty bad allergic reaction/sun-burn on my last day there. I had weird looking boils all over my face and down my back - which made me look like the second coming of Frankenstein. I visited the doctor on our arrival back to KL who gave me a couple of pills and some gel to apply to the affected spots. They cleared up in a couple days, but for that time, I had locked myself in the house - too conscious to go out - even to the local grocery store.

So anyways, the trip, up until Tuesday evening was god fun. Then came family - first my mother's sister, and then my cousin sister (with 2/3 of her kids in tow). Their arrival played a bit of party pooper. I guess meeting them after all this time was fun too - but I think I would have enjoyed it more had we been alone - just for four of us. We didn't do much after Tuesday - some shopping, some sightseeing, some talking and then some more shopping. Anyways, it was a pretty long trip (I was there for a total of 9 days) so I guess I couldn't have expected all those days to be as rosy as the first few.

One of the things that I was looking forward to the most was seeing my brother after a while. I had this notion (perhaps misguided) that we'd be the same as we were back in Austin - when he was living w/ me for a couple of months. That didn't end up happening. We were squabbling often, didn't talk all that much, I was regularly pissed at him and in general was not enjoying this time together as much as I did our time in Austin. Perhaps that notion that our relationship had changed was wrong - or maybe I was just looking at it through rose tinted glasses - either way, I was hoping for a ecstatic reunion, but it ended up being less than that.

Well, in anycase, the trip was an overall success - it was nice having all 4 of us together, after quiet a long time - and given the prospect that it'll probably be just as long before we are together again, I guess it was one to cherish.