Let me start with the cinematography. It could not get more clichéd. The battle scenes were shot as all battle scenes in Indian movies have been shot - a small army of middle aged, pot bellied guys throwing down with swords which are moving slower than my grand mother running the New York marathon. Then there is the pan out from under each of the asshole's feet, for what feels like eternity. There is also that one asshole (usually one of the chief protagonists in the battle) who just stands there like a dumbfuck waiting for his ass to be split apart, but his stupid ass is never touched. While he is standing there, with his wide, gaping, pear shaped/sized eyes, not one man from the other side has the common sense to come over and chop him down. And then finally, there is the show-off shot. The camera pans from above the guys head, all the way down to the heel, while a heavy beat is playing in the background. There are other idiosyncrasies too, like people singing in one part of the palace, and the whole god damn place reverbating with that persons voice (them castles were not small back then).
Then come the screenplay & direction. How many times are you going to rinse and repeat the same old story of no love at the beginning of the marraige, only to see the wife stand by her husband by the time the end credits start rolling. It's like seeing a rotten apple, rot again (if that makes any sense). And seriously, what's with the sudden love of the male body in Indian movies. Om Shanti Om had Dard-E-Disco to show off SRK, Saawariya had some stupid song to show off the new kid Kapoor, and now this painful movie has a sword practice session to show off Hrithik Roshan. How do you not get that the male body has never been the one to be adored. I would have complained if a woman was shown in that way too, but at-least my second head wouldn't have. Also, what is with the dialogues. The language being used is so laborious, it actually hurts. I mean, why can't you show a couple talking normally, instead of always talking in code. Sure, the first time or two is cute, it gets irritating afterwards. If I were in such a marriage, I would run the fuck out. Also, again, what's with the clichéd scenes - sisters bursting out in a loud cry and falling by her brother's side when he dies. Did she really not know he was going to die, while he's lying down their gasping for air. And what about the asshole villain who is discussing his plan to annex all of India with a foot soldier - while the "good" bad guy is very conveniently overhearing his plans.
Finally, the acting is so tired and boring - it starts hurting more than an umbrella making it's way up your ass - slowly, waiting to be opened. Hrithik Roshan hardly looks like a King - I have not yet seen an Indian king who was as well built. They are all pot-bellied, middle-aged, married to 10 20-year old's idiots. He is Mughal. Yet he marries only one woman, and waits for her to start loving him. This may be the truth, but I find it hard to believe. And worst of all, he does not sound or feel royal while doing all this. He lacks the commanding voice, that presence, that gravitas. Don't even get me started about Aishwarya Rai. I have to admit though, there is some consolation in the fact that she looks HOT in the movie.
There were other stupid parts to the movie too. In the final battle scene, where "Akbar" is fighting the defector/betrayer for control of "Hindustan" each of the side's army looks like they have only 500 soldiers each. I mean, is my nations history so bad that wars for control of land was fought by 500 people only?? Surely not. The final duel between Akbar the the bad guy moves so slow that I would rather watch paint dry. One sword strikes, and whole 2 seconds later, the other's lands. I can fight faster man. Did you see Troy. At-least that fight between Eric Bana and Brad Pitt looked like 2 strong men, gladiators, fighting.
Epic fail, this movie. The image is less painful.
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