Found this image via FriendFeed today, and I've got to say, it's very reassuring (and yes, I know it's not an official Obama poster - yet it has that satisfying tone to it). Enjoy it and Believe!!
Saturday, September 13, 2008
A very reassuring image
Found this image via FriendFeed today, and I've got to say, it's very reassuring (and yes, I know it's not an official Obama poster - yet it has that satisfying tone to it). Enjoy it and Believe!!
Friday, September 12, 2008
Blah...
I'm bored, don't have much to do, and can't think of an interesting topic to write about. So here's a brain dump.
I've been sick for the past week - a cold I caught last friday when the power went out at 1 in the morning, leading me in some hot & humid weather, to go take a shower at 2am, followed by me strolling on my balcony for an hour afterwards. The next morning, I woke up to a running nose, blocked sinus' and a sore throat. It got incrementally worse from there on out. I finally recovered enough this thursday to go back to work, only to find that my head hurt in the A/C there. My mother too, fell sick this week. She had to undergo a surgery for an "obstructing hernia". She's better now, but let's just say she gave us a scare for a little bit there. Fortunately, my dad was around and was able to handle things (he was supposed to go to Beijing the night my mom was diagnosed with the problem). There is now some discussion around me and Ayush going to KL when dad has to go to NYC (4'th - 14'th Oct). That might end up happening, in which case I'll have to take even more days off from work.
I've been reading a lot about Sarah Palin and the resurgent McCain campaign. I am a bit scared about how big of a bounce they've got from her selection. Churchill once said that the best argument against democracy was a 5 minute conversation with the average voter. He sure sounds right seeing the kind of reaction Palin is getting. As Matt Damon put it (quiet well, in my opinion) - it all seems like a bad Disney movie - where the hockey/soccer mom suddenly becomes the president. I truly am scared of seeing another Republican administration in power - I honestly do believe that it would be a very bad thing for the US and the entire world.
Back to personal issues, I've been fighting myself, trying to figure out exactly what I should be doing with my time, and life. I'm constantly conflicted about studying for the GRE, paying more attention to work, or working even harder on my project. I want to just go all out on the last of those, but for a myriad of reasons, am unable to yet. The major one, I think is 'cause I'm not getting the backing I feel I need to be able to do so. Support from my parents is luke warm, at best - and realistically, I don't expect more from them. But then there's R (he doesn't want his name out in the open) who has these bursts where all he'll discuss is how we grow this idea, and then completely stop talking about it for long periods of time (like we haven't spoken about any of this for the past 2 weeks). I'm trying to figure out if I think I can do this alone - but so far, I don't think I can. It's not that I need someone to help me write the code - that I'm confident I can do. It's that, I need someone who can prop me up - who has more confidence than I do in me (and in themselve). I also want to work with smart people, and I have always counted R as one of them - somebody smarter than me, whom I can learn a lot from. I guess, all I can do is hope things work out, but keep a back-up plan in case they don't. I honestly think I've come too far to give up now - I see this as my way out of the mundane life that is working for a company. I want to do my own thing - create something new - innovate - help people in their regular lives, and along the way, get some fulfillment.
I've been sick for the past week - a cold I caught last friday when the power went out at 1 in the morning, leading me in some hot & humid weather, to go take a shower at 2am, followed by me strolling on my balcony for an hour afterwards. The next morning, I woke up to a running nose, blocked sinus' and a sore throat. It got incrementally worse from there on out. I finally recovered enough this thursday to go back to work, only to find that my head hurt in the A/C there. My mother too, fell sick this week. She had to undergo a surgery for an "obstructing hernia". She's better now, but let's just say she gave us a scare for a little bit there. Fortunately, my dad was around and was able to handle things (he was supposed to go to Beijing the night my mom was diagnosed with the problem). There is now some discussion around me and Ayush going to KL when dad has to go to NYC (4'th - 14'th Oct). That might end up happening, in which case I'll have to take even more days off from work.
I've been reading a lot about Sarah Palin and the resurgent McCain campaign. I am a bit scared about how big of a bounce they've got from her selection. Churchill once said that the best argument against democracy was a 5 minute conversation with the average voter. He sure sounds right seeing the kind of reaction Palin is getting. As Matt Damon put it (quiet well, in my opinion) - it all seems like a bad Disney movie - where the hockey/soccer mom suddenly becomes the president. I truly am scared of seeing another Republican administration in power - I honestly do believe that it would be a very bad thing for the US and the entire world.
Back to personal issues, I've been fighting myself, trying to figure out exactly what I should be doing with my time, and life. I'm constantly conflicted about studying for the GRE, paying more attention to work, or working even harder on my project. I want to just go all out on the last of those, but for a myriad of reasons, am unable to yet. The major one, I think is 'cause I'm not getting the backing I feel I need to be able to do so. Support from my parents is luke warm, at best - and realistically, I don't expect more from them. But then there's R (he doesn't want his name out in the open) who has these bursts where all he'll discuss is how we grow this idea, and then completely stop talking about it for long periods of time (like we haven't spoken about any of this for the past 2 weeks). I'm trying to figure out if I think I can do this alone - but so far, I don't think I can. It's not that I need someone to help me write the code - that I'm confident I can do. It's that, I need someone who can prop me up - who has more confidence than I do in me (and in themselve). I also want to work with smart people, and I have always counted R as one of them - somebody smarter than me, whom I can learn a lot from. I guess, all I can do is hope things work out, but keep a back-up plan in case they don't. I honestly think I've come too far to give up now - I see this as my way out of the mundane life that is working for a company. I want to do my own thing - create something new - innovate - help people in their regular lives, and along the way, get some fulfillment.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Why I use vim!!
It's been a while - life and other things have kept me busy. Anyways, what better way to return than to write about something I have not talked much about in the past - technology.
So, coding is my profession - I enjoy coding - nay - love it (given the right circumstances). And one of the biggest weapons in a coder's arsenal is his/her IDE. Well, mine is vim (vi improved). I have been using vim on and off for a few years now - but mainly as a text editor. I had never considered using it as my main development tool until recently (2-3 months back). Boy was I missing out. I've been using it to write everything from Python to HTML/Javascript now and been loving every bit of it.
The main (and rather obvious) reason is it's amazing ability to make text editing fast. Visual mode is the best invention mankind has made since the wheel. It allows me to remove and add text about as fast (maybe even faster) as I can think of doing it. Want a word gone - done. Want a line gone - done. Want to replace a line - line gone, cursor at beginning of line - done. I can keep going on. Gone are the days when you have to use your mouse to select a word, or a whole line. w,b,j,k,h,l allow me to move around in lesser time than it would take me to move my hand off the keyboard, onto the mouse, find the pointer, bring it down to the text I need gone, select the whole thing and hit delete. In-fact, now when I edit text in a browser (like this blogger textbox for example), I find it tedious to delete things, or add things.
But more than that, it's ability to double up as a IDE is what has me truly amazed. The amazing set of plugins around it (for example snippetsEmu) make it a breeze for me to write my code and get the right text in the right place ASAP. Other things like omnicompletion, code highlighting, line numbering, syntax checkers, class definitions etc. are icing on the cake. And the biggest win - it works on all 3 of my development platforms (Win, Max and Linux - yes I work on all 3). Setting it up on my windows machine took some doing (had to compile vim from source) but once it was done, everything worked exactly how it worked on my other machines. No more switching between IDE's and no more learning new commands (thanks, but no thanks, TextMate).
I do have a couple of gripes though - I would like to see some straighforward way to refactor my code and I would like to see integration with my vcs (git). I have tried out a plugin for the latter, but couldn't get it working within the 10 minutes I gave it a shot for.
In anycase, vim is an amazing text editor/IDE and anybody using anything else (with the exception of Eclipse for Java) should consider switching. I haven't tried Emacs, but after learning vim, I don't see any value in it - I've got all I need (and more).
So, coding is my profession - I enjoy coding - nay - love it (given the right circumstances). And one of the biggest weapons in a coder's arsenal is his/her IDE. Well, mine is vim (vi improved). I have been using vim on and off for a few years now - but mainly as a text editor. I had never considered using it as my main development tool until recently (2-3 months back). Boy was I missing out. I've been using it to write everything from Python to HTML/Javascript now and been loving every bit of it.
The main (and rather obvious) reason is it's amazing ability to make text editing fast. Visual mode is the best invention mankind has made since the wheel. It allows me to remove and add text about as fast (maybe even faster) as I can think of doing it. Want a word gone - done. Want a line gone - done. Want to replace a line - line gone, cursor at beginning of line - done. I can keep going on. Gone are the days when you have to use your mouse to select a word, or a whole line. w,b,j,k,h,l allow me to move around in lesser time than it would take me to move my hand off the keyboard, onto the mouse, find the pointer, bring it down to the text I need gone, select the whole thing and hit delete. In-fact, now when I edit text in a browser (like this blogger textbox for example), I find it tedious to delete things, or add things.
But more than that, it's ability to double up as a IDE is what has me truly amazed. The amazing set of plugins around it (for example snippetsEmu) make it a breeze for me to write my code and get the right text in the right place ASAP. Other things like omnicompletion, code highlighting, line numbering, syntax checkers, class definitions etc. are icing on the cake. And the biggest win - it works on all 3 of my development platforms (Win, Max and Linux - yes I work on all 3). Setting it up on my windows machine took some doing (had to compile vim from source) but once it was done, everything worked exactly how it worked on my other machines. No more switching between IDE's and no more learning new commands (thanks, but no thanks, TextMate).
I do have a couple of gripes though - I would like to see some straighforward way to refactor my code and I would like to see integration with my vcs (git). I have tried out a plugin for the latter, but couldn't get it working within the 10 minutes I gave it a shot for.
In anycase, vim is an amazing text editor/IDE and anybody using anything else (with the exception of Eclipse for Java) should consider switching. I haven't tried Emacs, but after learning vim, I don't see any value in it - I've got all I need (and more).
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Why NYC is my favorite city on this planet
I have often said, and been rebuked for saying, that the Big Apple is my favorite city on this planet. People often ask me why that is so, and I'm never able to give a wholly convincing argument - so here is an attempt in that direction.
Let me preface the rest of this post by saying that while I have lived in NYC for upto 3 weeks at a go, most of my visits have involved me living there for not longer than 2-3 days - always as a tourist. Mileage may vary for the people who have actually lived in the city.
To understand my undying love for NYC, we must go all the way back to the summer of '95. This was the first time I had left India - and guess which city I went to first?? I had been warned by my dad before arriving there that the place was just as dirty as Delhi and that I might indeed be disappointed once I got there. But, I wasn't. I remember falling in love with it during our drive back from JFK. I remember peeping out the window of our cab, admiring the huge glass buildings, the no. of cars on the roads, the long bridge with two levels (I think) that we were driving on. Imagine me as Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone 2 - when he first arrives in the city riding in on a cab. I was him - and I was loving every moment of it. The 3 weeks we spent there were just as much fun too. I don't remember spending much time with my dad (he was constantly at work), but my mother, brother and me had one of the best vacations I remember. We must have walked more miles in those 3 weeks than we did our entire lives before then. We covered everything from Central Park to the Wall Street to liberty island. We had coke in cans, and nice nike shoes, and a new remote controlled car. We had the nice weather (coming from Delhi in the summer - you can imagine), the friendly people (I remember dropping my coke in a McD's and the manager giving me a new one - on the house), the diversity of faces, the subways, the buses, the yellow cabs, the ferries to Liberty and Ellis island, the Empire State Building, the New York Style pizza etc. etc.
That trip was where it all started, but by no means is it the only source of love for that city. My next visit to the city came once I had moved to the states for college. Me and a few friends went on a crazy road trip our first spring break at UT. We lived in the city for 3 days and then went up to Boston. But those 3 days were amazing too - we walked up to Central Park and down to the Wall Street. We saw the Empire state building and the City Hall. We walked through the village and China Town. We saw our first apple store across from the NYU. I experienced our first police stop in the city. I saw my first snow fall in the US there.
I went there a couple more times too - when my folks had come to my brothers college for all of us to meet up, or me and my friends going there for new year's '07 (that was one crazy night). And then finally, before I left the US to come back to India, in Oct '07. NYC was my last stop - my final encore - the last city I was in, in the country I had called home for the past 5 years. That trip was memorable too (for many good and some not-so-good reasons). But what I remember most, was my drive to the airport from my cousins dorm room. There was nobody riding with me - and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I was taking in the city, the country, the people - one last time - not knowing when I would be back. And I remembered then, my first time driving into the city - only this time the buildings were getting smaller, not bigger.
However I might describe my feelings for NYC, most people won't understand it - and I don't expect them to. It is my favorite city in the world for personal reasons - they all have theirs. All I want to say is this - go visit NYC, live there for a bit, walk it's streets, talk to the people there, eat the pizza there, ride on the subway there. Then maybe you might fall in love with the city, just as I have.
Let me preface the rest of this post by saying that while I have lived in NYC for upto 3 weeks at a go, most of my visits have involved me living there for not longer than 2-3 days - always as a tourist. Mileage may vary for the people who have actually lived in the city.
To understand my undying love for NYC, we must go all the way back to the summer of '95. This was the first time I had left India - and guess which city I went to first?? I had been warned by my dad before arriving there that the place was just as dirty as Delhi and that I might indeed be disappointed once I got there. But, I wasn't. I remember falling in love with it during our drive back from JFK. I remember peeping out the window of our cab, admiring the huge glass buildings, the no. of cars on the roads, the long bridge with two levels (I think) that we were driving on. Imagine me as Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone 2 - when he first arrives in the city riding in on a cab. I was him - and I was loving every moment of it. The 3 weeks we spent there were just as much fun too. I don't remember spending much time with my dad (he was constantly at work), but my mother, brother and me had one of the best vacations I remember. We must have walked more miles in those 3 weeks than we did our entire lives before then. We covered everything from Central Park to the Wall Street to liberty island. We had coke in cans, and nice nike shoes, and a new remote controlled car. We had the nice weather (coming from Delhi in the summer - you can imagine), the friendly people (I remember dropping my coke in a McD's and the manager giving me a new one - on the house), the diversity of faces, the subways, the buses, the yellow cabs, the ferries to Liberty and Ellis island, the Empire State Building, the New York Style pizza etc. etc.
That trip was where it all started, but by no means is it the only source of love for that city. My next visit to the city came once I had moved to the states for college. Me and a few friends went on a crazy road trip our first spring break at UT. We lived in the city for 3 days and then went up to Boston. But those 3 days were amazing too - we walked up to Central Park and down to the Wall Street. We saw the Empire state building and the City Hall. We walked through the village and China Town. We saw our first apple store across from the NYU. I experienced our first police stop in the city. I saw my first snow fall in the US there.
I went there a couple more times too - when my folks had come to my brothers college for all of us to meet up, or me and my friends going there for new year's '07 (that was one crazy night). And then finally, before I left the US to come back to India, in Oct '07. NYC was my last stop - my final encore - the last city I was in, in the country I had called home for the past 5 years. That trip was memorable too (for many good and some not-so-good reasons). But what I remember most, was my drive to the airport from my cousins dorm room. There was nobody riding with me - and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I was taking in the city, the country, the people - one last time - not knowing when I would be back. And I remembered then, my first time driving into the city - only this time the buildings were getting smaller, not bigger.
However I might describe my feelings for NYC, most people won't understand it - and I don't expect them to. It is my favorite city in the world for personal reasons - they all have theirs. All I want to say is this - go visit NYC, live there for a bit, walk it's streets, talk to the people there, eat the pizza there, ride on the subway there. Then maybe you might fall in love with the city, just as I have.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Thoughts: The parent-child relationship
I've often found myself wondering (after talks with my folks/friends/co-workers, or after watching a movie/tv-show) about the kind of relationship a parent and child should share. Here are some thoughts.
Above all, I see this relationship as one of the few, one-way relationships a person has in his/her life - the road going from the parents and to the kids. Let me explain.
I think when a couple decides to have a child, they consciously make the decision that they are going to bring someone into this world, take care of it, groom it, have good times with it, enjoy it's company et al. Now, having made that decision, they also need to realize that it'll be their job to keep a watchful eye on them, keep 'em out of trouble, help them when they do get into trouble and generally give them everything they need and (hopefully) most of what they want. This is because you are their parents, their creators (humor me) if you will.
It is also a parent's responsibility to not burden a child with his/her expectations. You didn't create an object that you can return or discard if it didn't do what you thought it was supposed to do - NO! You had a child - another human being - who needs to make his/her own decision about their life - about how they want to live it. The child can have expectations of his/her parents (see last paragraph) but it should never go the other way round. And I'm not talking about the small stuff here - I speak of the whoppers - religious expectations, career expectations, marriage expectations, grandkid expectations and so on. Parents should never impose these on their kids - and the reason for this is quiet straightforward to my eye - it will stop your child from becoming who he can, but more importatnly, who he wants to be. And nothing, in my opinion, is a greater crime than stopping somebody from leading their life their way (there are certain exceptions).
I have often seen parents demand high ranks in school/college, a good job - an expectation to stick to the basics. They will try to impose their experiences onto you - not realising that there is at-least a generations difference between them and you - that their experiences, while useful, will not necessarily be the same as yours, and that you have the option (and might I say obligation) to experience them for yourself.
Now, I can't say children are completely absolved of any responsibilities towards their parents, but the flow is so one-sided (or at-least should be) that it's hard to see the other end of it.
So, to surmise, parents need to back off with their demands of their children - while they might have his/her best in their mind, they need to realize that they are not perfect at guessing what is good or bad for someone - that decision, in almost all cases, should be left to the person being talked about, to decide for them self.
Above all, I see this relationship as one of the few, one-way relationships a person has in his/her life - the road going from the parents and to the kids. Let me explain.
I think when a couple decides to have a child, they consciously make the decision that they are going to bring someone into this world, take care of it, groom it, have good times with it, enjoy it's company et al. Now, having made that decision, they also need to realize that it'll be their job to keep a watchful eye on them, keep 'em out of trouble, help them when they do get into trouble and generally give them everything they need and (hopefully) most of what they want. This is because you are their parents, their creators (humor me) if you will.
It is also a parent's responsibility to not burden a child with his/her expectations. You didn't create an object that you can return or discard if it didn't do what you thought it was supposed to do - NO! You had a child - another human being - who needs to make his/her own decision about their life - about how they want to live it. The child can have expectations of his/her parents (see last paragraph) but it should never go the other way round. And I'm not talking about the small stuff here - I speak of the whoppers - religious expectations, career expectations, marriage expectations, grandkid expectations and so on. Parents should never impose these on their kids - and the reason for this is quiet straightforward to my eye - it will stop your child from becoming who he can, but more importatnly, who he wants to be. And nothing, in my opinion, is a greater crime than stopping somebody from leading their life their way (there are certain exceptions).
I have often seen parents demand high ranks in school/college, a good job - an expectation to stick to the basics. They will try to impose their experiences onto you - not realising that there is at-least a generations difference between them and you - that their experiences, while useful, will not necessarily be the same as yours, and that you have the option (and might I say obligation) to experience them for yourself.
Now, I can't say children are completely absolved of any responsibilities towards their parents, but the flow is so one-sided (or at-least should be) that it's hard to see the other end of it.
So, to surmise, parents need to back off with their demands of their children - while they might have his/her best in their mind, they need to realize that they are not perfect at guessing what is good or bad for someone - that decision, in almost all cases, should be left to the person being talked about, to decide for them self.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
My movie going experiences in Bangalore...
In my last post, I'd said that there will be more about watching movies in India - well here it is.
I've been out a few times now - to watch movies in Bangalore. They have all been Hindi movies (partially 'cause the people I go with don't enjoy watching English movies, and partially 'cause I'm making up for all those years I didn't go to the movies and watch a Bollywood flick) and inevitably, they have always been bad experiences. Let me start with a list of all the things that happen when you go to see a movie here:
So...what prompted this post - well, I'd gone to see Thoda Pyar thoda magic on Saturday night, and witnessed all this - and it bugged the hell out of me. It would be some solace if the movie was good - but that would be asking too much off of a mainstream Bollywood movie - none are good - for some odd reason, they all think patronizing their audience is a succesfull business decision. I fucking hate it.
I've been out a few times now - to watch movies in Bangalore. They have all been Hindi movies (partially 'cause the people I go with don't enjoy watching English movies, and partially 'cause I'm making up for all those years I didn't go to the movies and watch a Bollywood flick) and inevitably, they have always been bad experiences. Let me start with a list of all the things that happen when you go to see a movie here:
- You will have a hard time getting tickets to a new movie (owing to the very few "multiplexes" in the city).
- You will have a hard time finding parking
- You will pay an obscene amount of money for the services being provided (and I'm not talking about the bad movie here)
- You will be given, what can best be described as black water with sugar, instead of Coke for Rs. 30.
- You will be ushered into the hall by a guy standing at the entrance checking your tickets (this is a bittersweet thing - figure it out)
- You will find your seat, and then notice the amount of dust on it.
- You will soon realize how little leg space there is
- At this point, you will start noticing the absolutely abhorrent state the hall has been kept in - the dust covered curtains, the speakers that look like they were bought in the 19'th century and never touched since and the dirty white screen in front of you
- After noticing all the dirt around you, your attention will move to the really small screen in front of you - and you'll start thinking that the wall of your house is probably bigger than this bitch in front of you
- Finally when the movie starts, your fears of the screen being small will be validated - with you squinting to see everything.
- You will also soon realize that there is some asshole around you who can't keep his/her mouth shut. They will gasp, laugh or scream loudly at the respective scenes, and when they're not doing that, they will keep saying this like "Duh", "I knew that", "He's going to die now" etc. etc.
- The flow of the movie will then be interrupted with an interval (a good or bad thing depending on your perspective - I hate it)
- You will go out to a throng of people in front of the single confectionery stand handing out a glass of "coke" or a box of pop-corns one at a time. God save you if you go to the restroom.
- You somehow get back to your seat with a coke and a box of pop-corns and now that really annoying bitch has added another piece of ammo to his/her arsenal - eating loudly.
- Then there will be some other asshole who will get a call in the middle of the movie and will take it - while still seated in his/her seat and will talk for like 2 minutes before shutting up.
So...what prompted this post - well, I'd gone to see Thoda Pyar thoda magic on Saturday night, and witnessed all this - and it bugged the hell out of me. It would be some solace if the movie was good - but that would be asking too much off of a mainstream Bollywood movie - none are good - for some odd reason, they all think patronizing their audience is a succesfull business decision. I fucking hate it.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
I miss...
I miss...
- Having a decent internet connection
- Driving on roads that didn't have potholes every 2 feet
- Going on long, soothing, scenic drives in the middle of the night
- Driving a car that made me feel like it was fun to drive one (and I mean the automatic/manual thing)
- Having a nice place all of my own
- Watching HBO shows well past midnight - ON TV!!
- Shooting the breeze with co-workers
- Sitting in a bar, smoking a cigarette, drinking a beer, watching the NBA playoffs
- The Beer:
- Gusiness from a TAP...aah
- Blackjack
- Heineken
- Red Stripe
- Carlsberg
- fuck it - Shiner too
- Going out to eat to various joints serving up different cuisines
- The Food:
- Masaman Curry at Madam Mam's
- Anything from Hoa Hoa
- Stir Fry from Fire Wok
- Burrito's from Chipotle
- various shit from Taco Bell
- Sandwiches from Jimmy Johns (oh my god!!!)
- Portabello Mushroom sandwhich from NXNW
- Pizza from Dominos (believe it)
- The middle eastern food
- The occasional Sushi/Steak
- The grocery stores which had everything I needed under one roof
- The people who were always helpful
- Customer service which actually served the customer
- Company Websites that were taken seriously
- Public servants who actually did their jobs
- Cheap(er) gas
- An amazing movie going experience (despite the movie):
- The Air conditioned halls
- People who'd have enough courtesy to stop talking once the trailers started rolling, and definitely stop by the time the movie started
- People who had the courtesy to not take phone calls while still in the Hall
- Few movies that actually left you fulfilled coming out the hall
- (to be continued...)
- Electronics stores which stocked more than just household appliances
- Not having to pay 1/3'rd of my pay on rent
Monday, June 23, 2008
Feeling down...
Been feeling down all day. Not sure why. I had a nice weekend, didn't have all that bad a work-day, and yet I can't help but feel sad and depressed.
During this past weekend, a thought passed my mind. I need to start preparing for my GRE, and I need to invest more time/energy in the side project I'm doing. I can't possibly do both of these at the same time - both of them will take up a huge amount of time. So, I thought, why not quit my job and pursue these two?? But no matter what I do, I can't find the balls I need to actually take that leap of faith. I 'm unable to think out of the box here, and hence am coming up with all kinds of rationalizations - like if I continue to work on my side project, and it's succesfull, my college applications will look a whole lot better, that I don't really need to go to a master's school, everything I need to learn, I can learn on my own etc. etc. Some of these do make sense to me too, but I would still like to prove to myself that I have the faith, the ambition, the resolve and the balls to take that step - quit my job with nothing to fall back on, but I can't.
Other things have been bothering me too - lack of good/close friends, difficulty of dealing with everyday life in India, my aspirations to travel and all that. I don't know what's eating me today, but what I do know is, I need it to go away soon. I can't have this shit hanging over my head.
During this past weekend, a thought passed my mind. I need to start preparing for my GRE, and I need to invest more time/energy in the side project I'm doing. I can't possibly do both of these at the same time - both of them will take up a huge amount of time. So, I thought, why not quit my job and pursue these two?? But no matter what I do, I can't find the balls I need to actually take that leap of faith. I 'm unable to think out of the box here, and hence am coming up with all kinds of rationalizations - like if I continue to work on my side project, and it's succesfull, my college applications will look a whole lot better, that I don't really need to go to a master's school, everything I need to learn, I can learn on my own etc. etc. Some of these do make sense to me too, but I would still like to prove to myself that I have the faith, the ambition, the resolve and the balls to take that step - quit my job with nothing to fall back on, but I can't.
Other things have been bothering me too - lack of good/close friends, difficulty of dealing with everyday life in India, my aspirations to travel and all that. I don't know what's eating me today, but what I do know is, I need it to go away soon. I can't have this shit hanging over my head.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Doing some of the things I enjoy doing
Today, after a long while, I did one of the things I used to (and apparently still do) enjoy doing - watching back-to-back episodes of TV shows. The day started off with a complete download of Season 3 of Weeds followed up by Secret Diary of a Call Girl. Now, I used to do something similar during my unemployment days immediately following graduation, and while those days (or should I say nights) were much more fulfilling (what with all the catching up that needed to be done with regards to The Sopranos and The West Wing), I had a bunch of fun today too. It's just one of those stupid, useless, waste-of-time things everyone likes to do - I just maybe push it to the extreme :). I remember that during those aforementioned days, I used to be nocturnal - stay up all night, go to bed at about 10am, get up around 6pm. Those two months were some of the most fun of my life.
Anyways, so watching the Secret Diary of a Call Girl made me realize something - perhaps some of the rigidness in Indian Society is a backdraft from the English Society. I mean I would have never guessed somebody could be so uptight about having sex with a hooker in today's day and age. I mean sure, a man needs to be taken care of and all that, but to ensure that your hair is done just right, paint yourself with enough make-up to make the lady in the Statue of Liberty look not-ugly, do the bed sheets just right, carry 10 condoms with you everywhere you go (ok, this I can reconcile with) etc. etc. seems like something only the English can do. But that's not all. Watching the show (and I have to admit, this is one of the first British TV shows I have watched), I did get a sense of express superiority by the leading protagonist - she kept mentioning the fact that she was educated, she was "high class", expensive, had done her A-levels in this and that et al. Just made me feel that some of the pride Indian folks feel to in such superficial arenas comes from the fact that our rulers had a similar bend of mind. No wonder we are still stuck with so many of the UK's mistakes - when we can't even fix this one.
I realize that I'm not make a whole lot of sense - it's 3am here so excuse me for that - but I just thought I'd note these thoughts down.
Anyways, so watching the Secret Diary of a Call Girl made me realize something - perhaps some of the rigidness in Indian Society is a backdraft from the English Society. I mean I would have never guessed somebody could be so uptight about having sex with a hooker in today's day and age. I mean sure, a man needs to be taken care of and all that, but to ensure that your hair is done just right, paint yourself with enough make-up to make the lady in the Statue of Liberty look not-ugly, do the bed sheets just right, carry 10 condoms with you everywhere you go (ok, this I can reconcile with) etc. etc. seems like something only the English can do. But that's not all. Watching the show (and I have to admit, this is one of the first British TV shows I have watched), I did get a sense of express superiority by the leading protagonist - she kept mentioning the fact that she was educated, she was "high class", expensive, had done her A-levels in this and that et al. Just made me feel that some of the pride Indian folks feel to in such superficial arenas comes from the fact that our rulers had a similar bend of mind. No wonder we are still stuck with so many of the UK's mistakes - when we can't even fix this one.
I realize that I'm not make a whole lot of sense - it's 3am here so excuse me for that - but I just thought I'd note these thoughts down.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Of scary incidents and the ensuing revelations
So, my cousin met with an accident last weekend. He had got out his car and was crossing the street when a biker hit him and then dragged him along the road for a bit. He suffered a broken collar bone, had to get 10 stitches on his head and can't eat solid food (due to some torn muscles in his mouth/jaw) for a couple of weeks. Fortunately, his wife and parents-in-law were with him during this incident and were able to rush him to a nearby hospital. I got the call a couple hours after the incident and had a pretty terrified drive up to the place. Meeting with my sister-in-law, whose clothes were drenched in blood, was a pretty scary moment - I was praying at that point that nothing too bad had happened. Fortunately, my fears were alleviated as I entered his room - he seemed to be ok (besides the arm in a sling and a bandage going across his head) and continues to improve.
This was, however, a scary revelation for me. I guess I've always been scared about having an accident in India - emergency health care isn't all that good here. But this incident sort of brought those fears to the fore. I realised that if I ever have an accident like this, in most probabilities, I won't have anyone with me to look after me, especially in the moments immediately following the event. There will of-course be on-lookers and good samaritans, but it's still scary to me that I will have to rely on them in such circumstances.
I had similar thoughts in the U.S., but I used to feel some amount of comfort knowing there were friends around to help out - Dada and Deebu were around. And if not them, then co-workers. I, for some odd reason, do not feel as comfortable in Bangalore - I have friends here, fuck, I have family here, and yet I'm anxious about ever being in a similar situation.
I guess all I can do is be vigilant, and hope there's someone around in my need of hour.
This was, however, a scary revelation for me. I guess I've always been scared about having an accident in India - emergency health care isn't all that good here. But this incident sort of brought those fears to the fore. I realised that if I ever have an accident like this, in most probabilities, I won't have anyone with me to look after me, especially in the moments immediately following the event. There will of-course be on-lookers and good samaritans, but it's still scary to me that I will have to rely on them in such circumstances.
I had similar thoughts in the U.S., but I used to feel some amount of comfort knowing there were friends around to help out - Dada and Deebu were around. And if not them, then co-workers. I, for some odd reason, do not feel as comfortable in Bangalore - I have friends here, fuck, I have family here, and yet I'm anxious about ever being in a similar situation.
I guess all I can do is be vigilant, and hope there's someone around in my need of hour.
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