Blah...

I'm bored, don't have much to do, and can't think of an interesting topic to write about. So here's a brain dump.

I've been sick for the past week - a cold I caught last friday when the power went out at 1 in the morning, leading me in some hot & humid weather, to go take a shower at 2am, followed by me strolling on my balcony for an hour afterwards. The next morning, I woke up to a running nose, blocked sinus' and a sore throat. It got incrementally worse from there on out. I finally recovered enough this thursday to go back to work, only to find that my head hurt in the A/C there. My mother too, fell sick this week. She had to undergo a surgery for an "obstructing hernia". She's better now, but let's just say she gave us a scare for a little bit there. Fortunately, my dad was around and was able to handle things (he was supposed to go to Beijing the night my mom was diagnosed with the problem). There is now some discussion around me and Ayush going to KL when dad has to go to NYC (4'th - 14'th Oct). That might end up happening, in which case I'll have to take even more days off from work.

I've been reading a lot about Sarah Palin and the resurgent McCain campaign. I am a bit scared about how big of a bounce they've got from her selection. Churchill once said that the best argument against democracy was a 5 minute conversation with the average voter. He sure sounds right seeing the kind of reaction Palin is getting. As Matt Damon put it (quiet well, in my opinion) - it all seems like a bad Disney movie - where the hockey/soccer mom suddenly becomes the president. I truly am scared of seeing another Republican administration in power - I honestly do believe that it would be a very bad thing for the US and the entire world.

Back to personal issues, I've been fighting myself, trying to figure out exactly what I should be doing with my time, and life. I'm constantly conflicted about studying for the GRE, paying more attention to work, or working even harder on my project. I want to just go all out on the last of those, but for a myriad of reasons, am unable to yet. The major one, I think is 'cause I'm not getting the backing I feel I need to be able to do so. Support from my parents is luke warm, at best - and realistically, I don't expect more from them. But then there's R (he doesn't want his name out in the open) who has these bursts where all he'll discuss is how we grow this idea, and then completely stop talking about it for long periods of time (like we haven't spoken about any of this for the past 2 weeks). I'm trying to figure out if I think I can do this alone - but so far, I don't think I can. It's not that I need someone to help me write the code - that I'm confident I can do. It's that, I need someone who can prop me up - who has more confidence than I do in me (and in themselve). I also want to work with smart people, and I have always counted R as one of them - somebody smarter than me, whom I can learn a lot from. I guess, all I can do is hope things work out, but keep a back-up plan in case they don't. I honestly think I've come too far to give up now - I see this as my way out of the mundane life that is working for a company. I want to do my own thing - create something new - innovate - help people in their regular lives, and along the way, get some fulfillment.

My movie going experiences in Bangalore...

In my last post, I'd said that there will be more about watching movies in India - well here it is.

I've been out a few times now - to watch movies in Bangalore. They have all been Hindi movies (partially 'cause the people I go with don't enjoy watching English movies, and partially 'cause I'm making up for all those years I didn't go to the movies and watch a Bollywood flick) and inevitably, they have always been bad experiences. Let me start with a list of all the things that happen when you go to see a movie here:

• You will have a hard time getting tickets to a new movie (owing to the very few "multiplexes" in the city).
• You will have a hard time finding parking
• You will pay an obscene amount of money for the services being provided (and I'm not talking about the bad movie here)
• You will be given, what can best be described as black water with sugar, instead of Coke for Rs. 30.
• You will be ushered into the hall by a guy standing at the entrance checking your tickets (this is a bittersweet thing - figure it out)
• You will find your seat, and then notice the amount of dust on it.
• You will soon realize how little leg space there is
• At this point, you will start noticing the absolutely abhorrent state the hall has been kept in - the dust covered curtains, the speakers that look like they were bought in the 19'th century and never touched since and the dirty white screen in front of you
• After noticing all the dirt around you, your attention will move to the really small screen in front of you - and you'll start thinking that the wall of your house is probably bigger than this bitch in front of you
• Finally when the movie starts, your fears of the screen being small will be validated - with you squinting to see everything.
• You will also soon realize that there is some asshole around you who can't keep his/her mouth shut. They will gasp, laugh or scream loudly at the respective scenes, and when they're not doing that, they will keep saying this like "Duh", "I knew that", "He's going to die now" etc. etc.
• The flow of the movie will then be interrupted with an interval (a good or bad thing depending on your perspective - I hate it)
• You will go out to a throng of people in front of the single confectionery stand handing out a glass of "coke" or a box of pop-corns one at a time. God save you if you go to the restroom.
• You somehow get back to your seat with a coke and a box of pop-corns and now that really annoying bitch has added another piece of ammo to his/her arsenal - eating loudly.
• Then there will be some other asshole who will get a call in the middle of the movie and will take it - while still seated in his/her seat and will talk for like 2 minutes before shutting up.

I'm sure there are other items that can be added to this list - but by far, these are the ones that really piss me off. Even if I can deal with the parking, and the dirty toilets and the more than dirty surroundings, the fact that some asshole is sitting around talking throughout the film - as if giving us a running commentary just gets on my nerves. And while most of the issues I have listed to not manifest in the better theaters like PVR, this talking syndrome still rears it's ugly head in.

So...what prompted this post - well, I'd gone to see Thoda Pyar thoda magic on Saturday night, and witnessed all this - and it bugged the hell out of me. It would be some solace if the movie was good - but that would be asking too much off of a mainstream Bollywood movie - none are good - for some odd reason, they all think patronizing their audience is a succesfull business decision. I fucking hate it.

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I miss...

I miss...

• Having a decent internet connection
• Driving on roads that didn't have potholes every 2 feet
• Going on long, soothing, scenic drives in the middle of the night
• Driving a car that made me feel like it was fun to drive one (and I mean the automatic/manual thing)
• Having a nice place all of my own
• Watching HBO shows well past midnight - ON TV!!
• Shooting the breeze with co-workers
• Sitting in a bar, smoking a cigarette, drinking a beer, watching the NBA playoffs
  
• The Beer:
• Gusiness from a TAP...aah
• Blackjack
• Heineken
• Red Stripe
• Carlsberg
• fuck it - Shiner too
  
• Going out to eat to various joints serving up different cuisines
• The Food:
• Masaman Curry at Madam Mam's
• Anything from Hoa Hoa
• Stir Fry from Fire Wok
• Burrito's from Chipotle
• various shit from Taco Bell
• Sandwiches from Jimmy Johns (oh my god!!!)
• Portabello Mushroom sandwhich from NXNW
• Pizza from Dominos (believe it)
• The middle eastern food
• The occasional Sushi/Steak
• The grocery stores which had everything I needed under one roof
• The people who were always helpful
• Customer service which actually served the customer
• Company Websites that were taken seriously
• Public servants who actually did their jobs
• Cheap(er) gas
• An amazing movie going experience (despite the movie):
• The Air conditioned halls
• People who'd have enough courtesy to stop talking once the trailers started rolling, and definitely stop by the time the movie started
• People who had the courtesy to not take phone calls while still in the Hall
• Few movies that actually left you fulfilled coming out the hall
• (to be continued...)
  
• Electronics stores which stocked more than just household appliances
• Not having to pay 1/3'rd of my pay on rent

Feeling down...

Been feeling down all day. Not sure why. I had a nice weekend, didn't have all that bad a work-day, and yet I can't help but feel sad and depressed.

During this past weekend, a thought passed my mind. I need to start preparing for my GRE, and I need to invest more time/energy in the side project I'm doing. I can't possibly do both of these at the same time - both of them will take up a huge amount of time. So, I thought, why not quit my job and pursue these two?? But no matter what I do, I can't find the balls I need to actually take that leap of faith. I 'm unable to think out of the box here, and hence am coming up with all kinds of rationalizations - like if I continue to work on my side project, and it's succesfull, my college applications will look a whole lot better, that I don't really need to go to a master's school, everything I need to learn, I can learn on my own etc. etc. Some of these do make sense to me too, but I would still like to prove to myself that I have the faith, the ambition, the resolve and the balls to take that step - quit my job with nothing to fall back on, but I can't.

Other things have been bothering me too - lack of good/close friends, difficulty of dealing with everyday life in India, my aspirations to travel and all that. I don't know what's eating me today, but what I do know is, I need it to go away soon. I can't have this shit hanging over my head.

Been a long week

And it's only half over yet. It was the week when one of the work's migration projects went live, demos were made, and my boss took off to greener pastures.

Anyways, I ain't complaining. I had shit to do :) - and I enjoyed doing it. Now comes a long weekend - tomorrow is off and I'll take friday, make it into a four day weekend and go to Coorg with Sidd and company. Should be interesting - though we don't have any place to live at yet - could be a sticky issue. I'll try to keep twitter going - unfortunately I don't have a camera so there won't be any pictures out of the trip - save the ones coming from my phone.

Life's been the same otherwise - I'm investigating a few things - trying to see if they work out. The problem with doing shit like that is that when shit don't work out, life just starts feeling like a bigger bitch that it really is. I can't somehow keep my expectations down from my own life.

Anyways, that's that for now - will update after the weekend most probably - unless we don't make it there for some reason.

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I have given up on this country.

This is fucked up. Really. How the fuck can you justify reserving half the seats in a college for a group/class of people. Besides the fact that it is terribly unfair to other's, there is also the fact that it won't work - people who don't deserve admission into a good school, won't be able to survive the rigors even if they did.

I have just given up on Indian politics (and might I say India too). Politicians and the regular people here are so apathetic to basic common sense that it's depressing. I guess that's one of the reasons I didn't buy a TV - so that I didn't have to see this kind of BS everyday and be disappointed. Go and cry all, go and cry.

Jodhaa Akbar - a review

I saw Jodhaa Akbar over the weekend. I must say, it is by far the worst movie made by Ashutosh Gowariker, and is certainly not deserving of the 7.7/10 (as of this post) rating on IMDB.

Let me start with the cinematography. It could not get more clichéd. The battle scenes were shot as all battle scenes in Indian movies have been shot - a small army of middle aged, pot bellied guys throwing down with swords which are moving slower than my grand mother running the New York marathon. Then there is the pan out from under each of the asshole's feet, for what feels like eternity. There is also that one asshole (usually one of the chief protagonists in the battle) who just stands there like a dumbfuck waiting for his ass to be split apart, but his stupid ass is never touched. While he is standing there, with his wide, gaping, pear shaped/sized eyes, not one man from the other side has the common sense to come over and chop him down. And then finally, there is the show-off shot. The camera pans from above the guys head, all the way down to the heel, while a heavy beat is playing in the background. There are other idiosyncrasies too, like people singing in one part of the palace, and the whole god damn place reverbating with that persons voice (them castles were not small back then).

Then come the screenplay & direction. How many times are you going to rinse and repeat the same old story of no love at the beginning of the marraige, only to see the wife stand by her husband by the time the end credits start rolling. It's like seeing a rotten apple, rot again (if that makes any sense). And seriously, what's with the sudden love of the male body in Indian movies. Om Shanti Om had Dard-E-Disco to show off SRK, Saawariya had some stupid song to show off the new kid Kapoor, and now this painful movie has a sword practice session to show off Hrithik Roshan. How do you not get that the male body has never been the one to be adored. I would have complained if a woman was shown in that way too, but at-least my second head wouldn't have. Also, what is with the dialogues. The language being used is so laborious, it actually hurts. I mean, why can't you show a couple talking normally, instead of always talking in code. Sure, the first time or two is cute, it gets irritating afterwards. If I were in such a marriage, I would run the fuck out. Also, again, what's with the clichéd scenes - sisters bursting out in a loud cry and falling by her brother's side when he dies. Did she really not know he was going to die, while he's lying down their gasping for air. And what about the asshole villain who is discussing his plan to annex all of India with a foot soldier - while the "good" bad guy is very conveniently overhearing his plans.

Finally, the acting is so tired and boring - it starts hurting more than an umbrella making it's way up your ass - slowly, waiting to be opened. Hrithik Roshan hardly looks like a King - I have not yet seen an Indian king who was as well built. They are all pot-bellied, middle-aged, married to 10 20-year old's idiots. He is Mughal. Yet he marries only one woman, and waits for her to start loving him. This may be the truth, but I find it hard to believe. And worst of all, he does not sound or feel royal while doing all this. He lacks the commanding voice, that presence, that gravitas. Don't even get me started about Aishwarya Rai. I have to admit though, there is some consolation in the fact that she looks HOT in the movie.

There were other stupid parts to the movie too. In the final battle scene, where "Akbar" is fighting the defector/betrayer for control of "Hindustan" each of the side's army looks like they have only 500 soldiers each. I mean, is my nations history so bad that wars for control of land was fought by 500 people only?? Surely not. The final duel between Akbar the the bad guy moves so slow that I would rather watch paint dry. One sword strikes, and whole 2 seconds later, the other's lands. I can fight faster man. Did you see Troy. At-least that fight between Eric Bana and Brad Pitt looked like 2 strong men, gladiators, fighting.

Epic fail, this movie. The image is less painful.

Why's it got to be like this ?! (the driving version)

I hate driving in India. I thought I'd put that up front. I hate it more than hemorrhoids, I hate it more than Rush Limbaugh and I hate it more than George bush.

Three classes of drivers come to mind when I talk about this subject:

• Auto Rickshaw drivers: These mofos are the worst. They drive like the road is all theirs; turning without warning, driving in the fast lane at 30 KM/h, cutting people off like nobody's business, and generally being dangerous. I think the one quality I hate the most about their driving is the fact that at red lights, or anywhere else where traffic might have slowed down, they will try to wriggle their rickety vehicles through the narrow gaps that exist - inevitably scratching or bumping into some other vehicle and then acting like the reincarnation of buddha - like it ain't no fault of theirs. And while we're on the subject, let me also add that these assholes are a pain in the ass to get a ride from. Most of them are theiving fucks who will regularly charge you well over the meter price to go from point A to B. I don't have the energy to list out the troubles, so go read this if you're interested - but suffice it to say that they are an overall bane to this society, not a boon.
• Taxi drivers: These are the second most hated class of drivers. They too act like the road is their daddy's - stick their hand out and everyone coming in the other direction must stop, cut people off like it don't matter what happens to the guy behind them, stop at places where they really shouldn't be - slowing down (and maybe even stopping) traffic for miles behind them, stand half way into a right (or left) turn waiting for some benevolent asshole to give them the way - or steal it from a not-so-good-in-indian-terms driver. The list goes on, but you get the point.
• Two-wheeler drivers: They are the 3'rd most hated - specifically 'cause they have nimble vehicles. Now this hate might be due to the fact that I am not used to driving with 2 wheel vehicles on the road (in my defense, you hardly see any of those on Texas roads) but hate them, I do. The fact that they constantly try to wriggle through a block of drivers, the fact that they will go onto pavements instead of waiting for the traffic to clear up, the fact that they will not leave an inch of space between themselves and me (etc. etc.) all frustrate me.

I can probably come up with many more examples, but I don't have the patience, nor the nerves for it. Just thinking about all this crap is making my head hurt. All you need to know is this - I think 10 times before taking out my car.

Into the Wild - continued

As posted earlier, I recently saw the movie Into the Wild. And as posted earlier, it raised quiet a few questions. One that struck me most (and I might add I've had in the back of my head for quiet a while now) was "Who am I". I have written about this earlier, but I'm still trying to figure out an answer.

It's no secret to those who know me, that I'm unhappy - and have been in that state for a while now. Part of it stems from the fact that I'm not entirely happy with the work I've been doing (I mean professionally), but more than that, I haven't been entirely happy with how I've been living my life. I don't have too many friends (though arguably, the ones I do are pretty good and we are close), I don't do things I know I should be doing (for example, get my PAN card, or go work out), I've never been in a relationship with someone that meant much of anything, I haven't travelled as much as I would have liked to, I haven't written anything nearly as good as I would have liked to, I haven't drawn anything, sung anything, or done anything remotely creative. I think that one of the things I hate more than anything else is being normal - conforming to the stereotypes - and I see myself as having become exactly that - a stereotype; working a 9-5 job, writing code, coming back home, and then being unhappy with myself. The only thing I hate more than conforming to said stereotype is not having the courage to pull myself out of it.

And this is where Into the Wild struck a chord with me. I saw a man, someone my age, get up and do what he wanted, a man who was brave enough to go out and grab what he wanted, without any fear or hesitations, without any second thoughts, without needing the approval of anyone (parents or otherwise). I see everything in Christopher that I want to be, yet am not.

I wonder if I'll ever have the courage to do half of what he did. I guess it's a scary thought - to actually find out who you are, what you're made of, how weak (or strong) you are. And maybe that plays in the back of my head too. Whatever be the reason for this cowardice though, I sincerely hope that I break out of it some day, and be who I am - whatever that is.

Why's it got to be like this (the net connection version)??

I don't get it - why is something as basic as getting a decent, uninterrupted net connection turning out to be such a chore?? I got Tata Indicom a couple weeks ago - and they turned out to be crap - and now I have applied for a BSNL connection - but have not heard from them yet either.

But besides my personal issues is the fact that for a large part, broadband connections are nowhere near where they need to be in India. The govt. defines a broadband connection in India as any connection that is on 24/7 and has a speed of 256kbps or up - note that is kbps, not KBps - which means that the nos. you will see while downloading shit will be ~30 (KBps).

This is absolute horseshit - no way in today's day and age can you define a connection downloading files at 30 KBps a broadband connection - broadband has to be at-least giving you download speeds of 100KBps - at least. The ideal situation would be more like 300-400, but let's not get too far ahead of ourselves. I mean, is it too much to ask for the standard gmail page to load up (not the plain HTML one - many of you living in the west might not even know that such a thing existed).

I think the problem in India is that no one has invested yet in laying down fiber optic lines - which means there is only so much bandwidth you can give a person - unless you start using unreliable and untested technologies like WiMax (which is what Tata Indicom has given me :(). Until WiMax becomes more reliable or these people lay down fibre optics - things will continue on like this.

Now, I'm not saying that laying down a network of fibre optic cables comes without issues, or that WiMax will never be feasible - but people need to try. Hell, in a city like Bangalore, which is dubbed India's Silicon Valley (hah..) - at least here, they can have fibre optics going - give the companies and the people who work in there, some hope...