As stated earlier, I've been living with my parents for the last 3 months. A lot has transpired between us during that time - lot's of fights and make ups, bruised egos, defiance etc. Suffice it to say that it's not been easy - if I had to advise somebody if it'd be ok for them to go back to live with their folks after 6 years of not living with them, my answer will be a resounding NO!! Now to be fair, I'm not blaming them for this, it's a classic "it takes two to tango" situation. But all that's not the point of this post.
The subject of this post is what have I realized about myself living with my parents - more precisely, what kind of man I want to be and what kind of women I want to be with. I'll grant that basing these two personality traits solely on observing your parents might not be the best way to go about it, but they certainly do influence you - as they have me.
So, as I've been noticing the interactions between my mom and dad, one particular theme has become very clear - how submissive she is and how authoritative he is. She will bring him a glass of water/milk/coke (but never liquor for some odd reason) when he asks her to, she will arrange the kitchen (which in all honesty, should be her domain) as he likes her to, deal with the help as he wants her to, work or not work as he wants her to, cook as he wants her to - to the chagrin of everyone else, etc. etc. Reverse all that and you'll get a picture of what my dad's like. Even the most mundane stuff, like leaving an empty glass of beer on the side table next to the couch is for some reason unacceptable - as is eating in front of the tv or parking the car facing in instead of facing out or cooking the food a bit spicy or grabbing pickles with your meal - and yes, the list goes on. Now, I am almost certainly painting an exaggerated picture - it's not possible for me with my limited writing skills to paint the perfect picture - but this is the general trend.
Watching all this has made me realize things, if not influence me too. I've never been (at-least I'd like to think so) the kind of guy who likes to tell people how to do things or be told how to do things. It makes me uncomfortable when people ask me if they should do this thing or the other, and outright annoys me when they think they know what I should do. I can't stand people who think they know what's right for me, or ask me 10 times "why" I've done or decided to do something (a disease that plagues both my parents unfortunately). This line of thought, inherently leads me to like decisive people. And that's what I've realized - my ideal woman would be confident, decisive and unwavering. She won't feel the need to ask me what to or not to do. She'll also, hopefully, be the kind of person who would ask me to shut up and get back in my place if I try to interfere. Of-course, this does not mean I don't want her to ask me for suggestions - but that's exactly what I want them to be in her mind - suggestions. Conversely, I want to be the kind of man who will be trusting enough to not have to worry about the decisions my woman is making. Again, this is not to say that I don't want to be involved - I just don't want to be the guy "telling" her what to do. I would hate to become into an incarnation of my dad - thinking I know enough about everything to know what's right for someone else - screw how they feel about it.
Finally, let me say that I do not think their union doesn't work - it works for them. Maybe what I'm looking for is an aberration - it might be why I've been single for most of my life. That said, I'm not ready to settle, not just yet - I still have hope :).
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Friday, May 8, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
My last day at Agilent (and my comeback to blogging).
So it's been a while. Lot's has happened since the last time I posted an entry here. Most importantly, Obama won the race for the presidency of the US and became the 44'th and the first black president of the United States. In this time, I also visited Goa (twice), saw a close friend get married (a bit scary - we're all coming of age), saw the US go into recession, lost my partner (who shall remain anonymous, on his request) to the economy (or something else - I don't want to think too much about it), gave the GMAT - twice 'cause the first time around I got only 640 (second time around, I got 700), and celebrated my 24'th birthday (in-fact on the same day as my second GMAT exam). But, I also resigned my job at Agilent (one I've had for the past 15 months). My last day was today. I'm excited, not scared, optimistic, not pessimistic and interested in looking forward to what happens in the next few months.
Resigning from my job was long in the making. I had thought of it way back in august/september while discussing with R about our plans for out startup. It took me almost 6 months between first thinking about it and finally leaving my job. I guess there was some apprehension with the economy the way it was and all that. I also postponed my plans more than once 'cause of R and now even though he's no longer taking the plunge with me, I still feel this was the right choice for me. The fact is, I was no longer enjoying the work I was doing at Agilent - it was mundane, repetitive and sparse. Sure, there were moments of excitement and exhileration, but they were few and far between for me to justify staying on.
What was (and still is) surprising to me was how my folks supported me in this decision. I was not expecting it, so it came as a very pleasant surprise. As I have mentioned earlier, they have not always been the most supportive of my aspirations or decisions (and this is not me bitching, this is me appreciating them for showing me a different path, giving me choices I had not thought of) so them supporting me fully meant a lot to me.
As for my plans from here on out, I'm going to finish off my grad school applications before next weekend, which is when I fly out to Malaysia. Once there, I plan on working full time on making GovCheck a reality. The Indian General Elections are coming around so this should be a good time to launch a site like this. Additionally, it will be a good test for the idea - if it can't gain traction during an election cycle, then probably this idea isn't something that can be turned into a profitable business. I'll see how things go in the few months after the site's launch. If I feel it is succesfull (and I don't have a clear definition of what does succesfull mean), I will punt on grad school and continue working on it. If not, I'll go to grad school. And if I don't get into any of the schools I apply to, I will then start looking for jobs again, though I'm really really really hoping it doesn't come to that.
So that is an update for the day. I hope to take up blogging regularly again, but let's see if I can stick to that. All I can say is, right now, I'm excited for my future. I hope my efforts bear some fruit.
Resigning from my job was long in the making. I had thought of it way back in august/september while discussing with R about our plans for out startup. It took me almost 6 months between first thinking about it and finally leaving my job. I guess there was some apprehension with the economy the way it was and all that. I also postponed my plans more than once 'cause of R and now even though he's no longer taking the plunge with me, I still feel this was the right choice for me. The fact is, I was no longer enjoying the work I was doing at Agilent - it was mundane, repetitive and sparse. Sure, there were moments of excitement and exhileration, but they were few and far between for me to justify staying on.
What was (and still is) surprising to me was how my folks supported me in this decision. I was not expecting it, so it came as a very pleasant surprise. As I have mentioned earlier, they have not always been the most supportive of my aspirations or decisions (and this is not me bitching, this is me appreciating them for showing me a different path, giving me choices I had not thought of) so them supporting me fully meant a lot to me.
As for my plans from here on out, I'm going to finish off my grad school applications before next weekend, which is when I fly out to Malaysia. Once there, I plan on working full time on making GovCheck a reality. The Indian General Elections are coming around so this should be a good time to launch a site like this. Additionally, it will be a good test for the idea - if it can't gain traction during an election cycle, then probably this idea isn't something that can be turned into a profitable business. I'll see how things go in the few months after the site's launch. If I feel it is succesfull (and I don't have a clear definition of what does succesfull mean), I will punt on grad school and continue working on it. If not, I'll go to grad school. And if I don't get into any of the schools I apply to, I will then start looking for jobs again, though I'm really really really hoping it doesn't come to that.
So that is an update for the day. I hope to take up blogging regularly again, but let's see if I can stick to that. All I can say is, right now, I'm excited for my future. I hope my efforts bear some fruit.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Thoughts: The parent-child relationship
I've often found myself wondering (after talks with my folks/friends/co-workers, or after watching a movie/tv-show) about the kind of relationship a parent and child should share. Here are some thoughts.
Above all, I see this relationship as one of the few, one-way relationships a person has in his/her life - the road going from the parents and to the kids. Let me explain.
I think when a couple decides to have a child, they consciously make the decision that they are going to bring someone into this world, take care of it, groom it, have good times with it, enjoy it's company et al. Now, having made that decision, they also need to realize that it'll be their job to keep a watchful eye on them, keep 'em out of trouble, help them when they do get into trouble and generally give them everything they need and (hopefully) most of what they want. This is because you are their parents, their creators (humor me) if you will.
It is also a parent's responsibility to not burden a child with his/her expectations. You didn't create an object that you can return or discard if it didn't do what you thought it was supposed to do - NO! You had a child - another human being - who needs to make his/her own decision about their life - about how they want to live it. The child can have expectations of his/her parents (see last paragraph) but it should never go the other way round. And I'm not talking about the small stuff here - I speak of the whoppers - religious expectations, career expectations, marriage expectations, grandkid expectations and so on. Parents should never impose these on their kids - and the reason for this is quiet straightforward to my eye - it will stop your child from becoming who he can, but more importatnly, who he wants to be. And nothing, in my opinion, is a greater crime than stopping somebody from leading their life their way (there are certain exceptions).
I have often seen parents demand high ranks in school/college, a good job - an expectation to stick to the basics. They will try to impose their experiences onto you - not realising that there is at-least a generations difference between them and you - that their experiences, while useful, will not necessarily be the same as yours, and that you have the option (and might I say obligation) to experience them for yourself.
Now, I can't say children are completely absolved of any responsibilities towards their parents, but the flow is so one-sided (or at-least should be) that it's hard to see the other end of it.
So, to surmise, parents need to back off with their demands of their children - while they might have his/her best in their mind, they need to realize that they are not perfect at guessing what is good or bad for someone - that decision, in almost all cases, should be left to the person being talked about, to decide for them self.
Above all, I see this relationship as one of the few, one-way relationships a person has in his/her life - the road going from the parents and to the kids. Let me explain.
I think when a couple decides to have a child, they consciously make the decision that they are going to bring someone into this world, take care of it, groom it, have good times with it, enjoy it's company et al. Now, having made that decision, they also need to realize that it'll be their job to keep a watchful eye on them, keep 'em out of trouble, help them when they do get into trouble and generally give them everything they need and (hopefully) most of what they want. This is because you are their parents, their creators (humor me) if you will.
It is also a parent's responsibility to not burden a child with his/her expectations. You didn't create an object that you can return or discard if it didn't do what you thought it was supposed to do - NO! You had a child - another human being - who needs to make his/her own decision about their life - about how they want to live it. The child can have expectations of his/her parents (see last paragraph) but it should never go the other way round. And I'm not talking about the small stuff here - I speak of the whoppers - religious expectations, career expectations, marriage expectations, grandkid expectations and so on. Parents should never impose these on their kids - and the reason for this is quiet straightforward to my eye - it will stop your child from becoming who he can, but more importatnly, who he wants to be. And nothing, in my opinion, is a greater crime than stopping somebody from leading their life their way (there are certain exceptions).
I have often seen parents demand high ranks in school/college, a good job - an expectation to stick to the basics. They will try to impose their experiences onto you - not realising that there is at-least a generations difference between them and you - that their experiences, while useful, will not necessarily be the same as yours, and that you have the option (and might I say obligation) to experience them for yourself.
Now, I can't say children are completely absolved of any responsibilities towards their parents, but the flow is so one-sided (or at-least should be) that it's hard to see the other end of it.
So, to surmise, parents need to back off with their demands of their children - while they might have his/her best in their mind, they need to realize that they are not perfect at guessing what is good or bad for someone - that decision, in almost all cases, should be left to the person being talked about, to decide for them self.
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